50 and thankful

The big day is here. I am 50. As the day has approached, I have spent a lot of time in reflection on what it means to turn 50. One thing that has changed is that I take a moment every morning when I wake up to give thanks for another day. I realize that nothing should be taken for granted. It is just a moment but that moment is an important way to start each day. Most days after that moment, I go run.

A few weeks ago, I ran 4.5 miles. It might not seem like much to some but that was the longest distance I had ever run outside. I did that when I was 49 years old and just weeks from 50.

As I was running, I began to understand the significance of that run.

A few years ago, I was alive but not really living. I remember telling some friends that I realized that this was my life. I would go to work, hang out with friends, maybe take a vacation every now and then. I saw that as the path for the remainder of my life however long that might be.

I stopped having hopes and dreams. I no longer thought I could write the next great novel or screenplay as I once thought I might. I gained weight, stopped working out, and just existed.

As I hit the 3 mile mark on this run, it occured to me that I was at 49 plus going to hit a personal best. I thought back on the last 6 months when I had lost 20 pounds and taken better care of myself than in years. I had a great job, an amazing family and friends who enriched my life every day. I realized that at almost 50, I had a pretty damn good life.

I decided that not only was I going to run 4.5 miles but I was going to finish strong. I picked up the pace and began to think not about the past but the future.

The symbolism of this run was not lost on me. I could still write a great screenplay. I could still change careers if I wanted. I thought about Estelle Getty who reached great fame later in life first on Broadway and then on television as Sophia Petrillo on the Golden Girls. Of course, leave it to me to run and think about the Golden Girls at the same time.

I continued to pick up the pace as I was determined to run this in under 50 minutes (yet more symbolism). The baggage of the past years seemed to peel away with each step. As I approached the front door of my loft, I ran even faster. I thought of the symbolism of reaching the end of my run but running faster than I had yet.

I ended the run and looked at my watch and saw 48 minutes plus and I smiled. I had completed a first and it woke in me the idea that there were many more to be done.

We do not have to be 50 to think our life has lost its meaning and just go through the motions. Plenty of 20 somethings get there. Too many young gay kids give up and take their life.

In these days where many have filmed "It gets better" videos, I can say with certainty, that it does get better. However, it does not get better without our effort and desire. Happiness and fulfillment in life is not one of those guaranteed rights. We have to work at it and work at it every day.

If you are in a rut, do something. Go run. Write. Take a road trip. Just do something.

So as I start life at 50, I am at a place that I did not think I would be. I am full of hope and wonder of life. I still see possibilities. The fact is that I may not write the next great screenplay. Then again, I might. The option is there.

At the end of the run, it occurred to me that life is best when we are working toward something. For some, it may be raising children. For others it might be starting a business. It might be losing weight or getting healthy. Maybe it is writing a great piece of work. The key is to be always moving forward.

So far I like 50. The wisdom is just flowing but even more so is the curiosity of what comes next. I know if I work at it and keep moving forward that it will just keep getting better and better.

So I am 50. And I am thankful.